Our Fantasy Picks for GW1


Ivanovic Mertesacker Cedric

Walcott Lallana Hazard Barkley

Costa van-Wolfswinkel Rooney

Leicester are a good shout to keep a clean sheet against Sunderland.
Chelsea are the big guns and can't / shouldn't be overlooked.
Lallana & Walcott are fantasticly good pre-season.
S'hampton play the dreadful Newcastle, who will be booed off their home park in GW1.
Everton are likely to put a few past Watford & Barkley is good value.
van Wolfswinkel put a few away in preseason & knows where goal is.
Man Utd have epic mids now, and Rooney is the sole forward.

Rooney Tunes

The best strikers all very predictable at the moment. Everyone is packing some combination of Sturridge, Soldado, Benteke, Giroud and RVP. Differentiation is the key to gaining a lead or recovering lost ground on your most hated rivals, so Now is always a good time to change it up. And that means catching the Premierships Next Top Striker.

Rooney is in very good form at the moment, and after the City derby United's fixture list is set for a tasty few weeks. We're not recommending him for his good looks. Rooney's golden attributes are not his balls but rather the tidal wave of points he is about to accrue. It must be tough, not being a suave, sexy superstar when everyone else you work with is some kind of hunk. Kind of like the men in my office - if you squint. A lot. And stand at a great distance. And are very drunk. You know what Im talking about; we've all been there.

Anyway: Ronaldo, Henry, Beckham, Bale, Ozil, Walcott, RVP. All the FF greats. All very, very good looking men.


It's almost like the Premier League managers pick up players based on looks. There are very few bad looking players in the Premier League. A lot of them seem to have resided at some point at Man United. Jaap Stam, if you are reading this, Im sorry but yes this includes you.

But we arent picking our FF teams for their looks. All you can see in your squad is a little colourful shirt. So pay no heed to our Wayne's fugliness, all we care about are points. And Rooney is going to deliver. A lot of people will be transfering him in, this isnt a ground breaking idea. But that means he is likely to be in line for a price rise or two. He makes a much cheaper alternative to RVP, to take advantage of Man Utd's forthcoming good fixture list. Moyes has publicly stated that he expects Rooney to be searching for 30 goals this season and targeting the leagues Golden Boot. Plus when hes not scoring goals, Rooney is setting up RVP - earning more points for assists.

So let the glamour boys leave the Premier League for record transfers to Spanish clubs. We want points, and by this metric Rooney will be one of the most beautiful men in the world.


Anonymous said...

Great post. I agree that Rooney looks destined to continue one of his 'purple patches'.

However, I'll not agree with your view that Ozil is a handsome man.

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Anonymous said...

Who will win the 2017 England Premier League?

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